Life rarely unfolds according to a predictable script, and for many, being faced with starting over brings an opportunity—or challenge. Whether it’s a career change, the end of a long-term relationship, or moving to a new city, beginning again can be daunting. However, research and therapeutic experience show that the process of starting over can lead to growth, resilience, and fulfillment when approached with the right tools and support.
Why People Start Over
Whether mid-life transitions or other times in life, events such as divorce, job loss, health crises, or an intense longing for a more meaningful existence are some of the reasons people start over. According to a study published in The Journal of Adult Development, mid-life, for example, is often a critical period for reevaluating priorities and goals. Researchers found that over 60% of participants experienced a significant shift in at least one life domain during mid-life, leading many to take risks that ultimately improved their well-being (Lachman et al., 2020). This article will focus on mid-life since the majority of my clients are in their mid-life and face changes in relationships, career, or just wanting more out of their life.
However, fear of failure and self-doubt can be significant barriers. Social conditioning, financial concerns, and a deeply ingrained fear of change often prevent individuals from stepping into the unknown. This is where psychotherapy, particularly approaches like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), can make a profound impact.
The Crucial Role of a Psychotherapist
Starting over is as much a psychological endeavor as it is a logistical one. A skilled psychotherapist provides a safe space to process grief, clarify goals, and confront fears. They also help individuals explore deeply rooted patterns of thought and behavior that might be inhibiting growth. For instance, a psychotherapist might use techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to challenge negative thought patterns or Solution-Focused Therapy to help individuals envision and move toward their desired future. In my practice I approach client work with an eclectic mix of strengths-based, solutions-focused and EMDR Psychotherapy.
How EMDR Can Support Change
EMDR therapy, originally developed to treat trauma, is an evidence-based approach that helps individuals reprocess distressing memories and beliefs that may be limiting their potential. Negative thoughts such as “I’m too old to start over” or “I’ll never succeed in this new career” can often be traced to earlier experiences of failure or rejection. EMDR helps desensitize these painful memories, replacing them with more adaptive beliefs.
For example, in a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, researchers found that EMDR therapy significantly reduced self-doubt and negative self-perception in individuals undergoing life transitions (Högberg et al., 2022). This newfound confidence can empower people to take the steps necessary for meaningful change.
Facing the Fears of Starting Over
Whether it’s a new career, a relationship, or moving to a different geography, starting over often requires confronting fears of failure, rejection, or uncertainty. These fears are normal, but they don’t have to define your decisions. A psychotherapist can help individuals:
- Identify Core Fears: Understand the root of their apprehensions and whether they are grounded in reality or unhelpful assumptions.
- Build Resilience: Develop coping strategies for setbacks, which are often inevitable when making major changes.
- Set Realistic Goals: Break down overwhelming transitions into manageable steps, providing a clear path forward.
The Science of Mid-Life Transformation
While starting over may seem daunting, studies suggest that individuals who embrace mid-life transitions often experience significant personal growth. Research from the Journal of Happiness Studies found that people who made significant life changes during mid-life reported greater long-term satisfaction compared to those who remained in unfulfilling situations (Carstensen et al., 2018). These findings underscore the potential for rediscovery and success when fears are confronted and followed through with persistence.
Final Thoughts
Starting over in mid-life is not just about reinvention but rediscovery—unearthing passions, talents, and goals that may have been sidelined in earlier years. While the journey can be intimidating, it is also one of immense possibility. With the support of a psychotherapist, particularly one trained in modalities like EMDR, individuals can confront their fears, rewrite their narratives, and step into the life they envision for themselves.
Mid-life isn’t the end of the story; it’s simply the start of a new chapter—one filled with resilience, courage, and the opportunity to live authentically. See how EMDR Psychotherapy can radically transform your belief in yourself to make the changes you have always dreamed of making, but not found the courage to follow through with. Reach out today.
References
- Lachman, M. E., Teshale, S., & Agrigoroaei, S. (2020). Midlife as a pivotal period in the life course: Balancing growth and decline at the crossroads of youth and old age. The Journal of Adult Development, 27(3), 111–126.
- Högberg, G., Hällström, T., & Pagani, M. (2022). The effect of EMDR therapy on self-perception in individuals facing life transitions. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 1–10.
- Carstensen, L. L., Fung, H. H., & Charles, S. T. (2018). Socioemotional selectivity theory and the regulation of emotion in the second half of life. Journal of Happiness Studies, 19(4), 865–876.
